So Andy's friend, let's call him Snagglepus, was working for some drum supplier that supplied the Stones with their kits for one particular UK tour, and they were all in the studio after the tour hanging out drinking etc. Andy's friend heads outside for some quiet, he's smoking a cigarette and texting a girl, he's leaning up against a brick wall. I presume it's cold, and you can see his breath rise in the air in the street light. Andy's telling me this story and I'm standing in the doorway of our kitchen that leads into the passage, and I don't think I was wearing a shirt.
So Snagglepus is smoking against this wall, when ALL OF A SUDDEN (haha) who should come out from the door but Keith Richards (?!?). He sauntered over to Ole Snaggy, and asked for a hit of his cigarette: “It's just a straight.”, he says. “Yeah yeah yeah, cool cool...” and Keith takes the stick and starts smoking. Snaggy Boy returns his attention to his phone and the lovely lady therein.
While Andy was telling me this story he was walking around the passage while I stood in the doorway with my arms hanging up off the top of the frame. He kept slipping in and out of character, the house was like a huge stage to him, but it took me a while to realise that the conversation had stopped and I was now witnessing a performance.
Keith Richards smokes a little, and then glances at Snaggle-McGaggle's phone, “Now let me guess, that's a bird on there...” “Well... yeah, you're right actually it is.” “People have said that I have somewhat of a.. knack... with the ladies.” Andy laughs as an aside to the story. “But let me tell you the one thing I know about women...”
Suspense.
“Make her laugh, and she'll love you for ever. Make her cry, and she'll never laugh again.”
OOOOOOOOOHHHHH!!!! I know, how fucking good is that?! FUCK!!
So here's the second story. Once again the Rolling Stones are hanging out, this time in some hotel room in the clouds with Jesus, and Caesar, and Jimi Hendrix was there, and the guy who invented wallets, and all the original members of the band 'Fish'. Everyone's there, except their drummer Charlie Watts, who is at home in bed with his lovely wife. But Mick Jagger, high on all drugs, starts pining for Charlie, and begins running around the party asking people “where's my little drummer boy?”
Andy told these two stories to me back-to-back, the first one was provoked from a story I'd told him about a girl I met in the cafe who I'd been exchanging funny emails with, but by the end of that story I think he'd forgotten why he was talking and was just on a role. I was enjoying it, so chose not to stop him. I'm still standing in the doorway, but at some point in the telling here I grabbed a chair from the kitchen and sat down.
“Where's my little drummer boy?” Andy was fretting, imitating Mick Jagger, who was high on drugs and probably just needed a cuddle. “I need him, I need my little drummer boy!”
So they called Charlie Watts, at home in bed with his wife, who handed him the phone with some tour support so-and-so on the other end saying “Mick's saying he needs you and he wants you here.” in the background you can hear Mick Jagger excited and crying “is that him! Tell him I love him and I need him here! My little drummer boy!!”
So Charlie Watts gets out of bed, kisses his wife on the cheek, and gets dressed up TO THE 9s in the sharpest suit ever made ever, and gets a cab to the hotel. I remember this part of Andy's retelling so well, because he was standing there, a shabby 31 year old man, with lock blonde hair down past his shoulders, and a can of beer in his hand, describing Charlie Watts in this amazing suit. Charlie rocked up to the hotel and knocked on the door of the room, and stood there with the ironed edges of the suit so sharp you could cut diamonds with them. I think Andy actually said that too haha! “You could cut a foo'in DIAMOND with it!”
Charlie walks into the party, and Mick runs up to him, “OOOOH MY LITTLE DRUMMER BOY!!” and just as he gets up close to hug him, Charlie pulls back and roundhouses him in the face BANG! Right on the jaw, and Mick drops to the floor. And Charlie goes over to him and waves everyone else away. “No, no, it's fine, I'll take care of him, it's okay.”
Walks over to Mick Jagger and grabs him by the scruff of the neck, and Mick is just coming to after the knock. Right now Andy was walking over to me as I sat in my chair, and I was sitting right back by this point, and he got right in close so he could whisper in my ear:
“I'm not your little drummer boy. You're my little singer boy. And don't you ever forget it.”
Intense huh? Yeah, he's a pretty intense guy.
Peace, Taco. Click here to read the next part - The Hammer Falls Pt. 2
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